Day 68- The Spear of Self

What does my mind say about me?

Why is my mind always running?

What does my mind accomplish?

Nothing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run these derelect programs in the back of my head.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have at some point found justification for the participation in this energetic system of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have acted as manifesting what is not real as energy as allowing myself to be influencing myself as energy to the point that it is always in motion within me now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret the consequences as what has come about in my mind, when it is not for me to regret, as the energetic regret, makes it even worse yet.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have misaligned my actions and words with an illusion as my own personal expiernece and perspective as personality as the mind.

Why did I put myself in this position?

Why didn't I act on what's best for all of life, equally as myself, from the get go?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have implemented my mind where I have not stood for what is best for life within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have learned to act as what is best for all of life equally, and have to replay my mistakes over and over as my mind, until I get the picture.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get the picture as my self intrest, as the 3dimentional expierences of the mind became my own, as my possession.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to possess myself as mind, as indicated by my personality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be destructive towards life, as only considering my personal gain as ego and personality as energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play mind games where life could have been established.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living, when really I fear my own design of living as mind, which is not expressing life as living life, but is expressing destruction, as life living destruction.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, and direct myself as re-directing myself as what's best for all of life one and equal as myself, when and as I see myself destroying life as the system of limitation, self intrest, and destruction as my mind in it's current form.

Those are some very broad strokes, but it helps me to put the whole picture in perspective, now let me state some more specefic instances and circumstances.

- thinking in general, as not taking the best stance in a matter and living it, but instead doubting myself and coming up with infinite diffrent perspectives and possibilities and just crunching the numbers over and over again, until I have no real stance on the matter I was thinking about.

-reactions, a personalized opioin as expierences towards a specefic thing, influencing who I am in that moment of reaction, as abdicating how I will act and move myself based on ego.

-feelings and emotions, defining who I am as an experience and not as standing living and breathing, another form of expression as ego.

So who I am and how I live and breathe is lost somewhere in the mix of all of those and all other formulas I have concocted of who I am, what I do, say, and express within myself.

So everything moving and playing out within me is a consequence outplay of what I have already ingrained in the very fabric of who I am as a mind.

So, the best thing I can do as life, is to constantly be writting out and picking apart this system, thread by thread, until life is all that remains as the physical.

Taking apart these things, is what is going to give me the oppritunity to redefine my life and who I am, as one and equal to all of life.

So, why do I get distracted. These moments of possession towards other things.

How have I defined my purpose as doing certain activites that do not support me via comparison.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to someone who might be able to rise to the ocassion better than I see myself as having the will to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as not having the will to rise to the ocassion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take my life and expierences into total consideration in making decesions and taking action, when I compare my will to rise towards another, who has lived their own life and expierences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as I am young, I can do this, because I have my whole life ahead of me to do this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my insecurity as not rising to the ocassion, affect me when I'm still comparing my ability to rise as, I'm young and they are old, so I have the head start.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn my process into a game as I'm young, and I started young, so I can still 'get ahead'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize this comparison of age vs time spent within Desteni, because I still believe I need some kind of motivation outside of myself as living what is best for life as one and equal to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate acting on principle for and as myself when I require the challenge as compition to prove myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to require to be validated before taking action for and as myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to recognise myself as the results I have manifested in my life as self forgiveness and self commitment as validation of who I am and what I should be doing in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to set the condition for myself that I write and forgive and commit and give it my all, under the circumstances that I am loved and recognized for my action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to
be recognised as God for taking action and changing myself as one and equal, where I see myself as not playing the role of God for and as myself, as acting, making decesions and moving myself within and as my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as weak when I inadequately manage my time, as judging myself as someone who cannot manage their time and devotion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto past memories of how I have spent my time, as defining who I am now as being unable to take authority in my life and management of my time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to affect my ability to manage my time now, out of comparison to how I have judged myself as managing my time in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge who I am now in comparison to the past.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself comparing who I am to the will of other people, as I realize and direct myself within the understanding of myself as one individual, not comparable to anyone else within how I direct myself in my world.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself judging myself as unable to manage my time, based on how I've judged myself as time management in the past, as I realize who I am now should not be defined by past events and experiences.