Times up, I could sit here considering the infinite number of points I might write out for myself and the impact each one might serve me, but by the time I go back in to work, I know I would have wished I had just gotten to business and spent my time more focused on my writing.
So, I'm not deciding to have written about anything, so I will write about nothing.
I define nothing as the state of which everything has been deconstructed, and a new living being can emerge, one who learns, lives, and acts out what is best for all of life, unconditionally.
I'm not nothing, I am existing
as something, something in the way of myself, loose ends, emotional reactions, a busy mind, it's ironic that my mind is a lot like nothing, like nothing ventured nothing gained, just in my way, while the system rages onward, and I cannot help it, because I'm busy in my own way.
It seems so simple to just write it all out in one go, so I could move forward with a reinvented self, what if I tried.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my mind run havoc upon myself even though I know I am venturing to deconstruct it, and to reassert myself as what is best in all ways.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my ideas of where I'm trying to walk myself stand In my way, where I'm disconnected from the act of taking apart just one single hardwired point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be looking for answers within my mind of how to get where I'm going, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not actually live my direction in my life by simply deconstructing one point at a time, sometimes approaching things differently like redefining how I live a word, ect, but always working toward the same goal.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be discouraged because I cannot see the finish line, where I cannot see what needs to be done, yet, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my mind is the goal, as my mind is always showing me many paths to the same place of nothingness.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to have the courage to simply reach out and take on a point, any point, even if I might fail, or be misguided, and require to do it 20 more times.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my 'I just want to be done with all of this', personality distract me from the fact that I must walk myself out point by point, and again try to convince myself there is an ultimate goal, an ultimate point to hunt down, when there simply is not, and I sit here waiting for it to pop up, if even just me defining a best point for myself even though I realize it probably doesn't matter much, as all points become nothing, and nothing is the goal, so I cannot see the goal, because I see through my mind, and my mind always sees something.
I commit myself to be practical in identifying a point to write out, and as not judging it as not being the best or worst point, by simply acknowledging it, weighing it against other things I might write, and simply making a timely decision, wherein the longer I sit wondering the less likely I am to take action.
So, there is a point that I would have liked to write out before I forced myself to action, through a tangent, and I want to address it here, it can help me, in my jobs, in my relationship with other, and in my relationship to myself.
It sounds something like putting myself out there, and expecting something in return, and reacting emotionally when it is not what I had bargained for.
Simple enough, but something that I have really allowed to get under my skin, a point that really has affected my relationships with myself and others.
Something I have many examples of, but would be best to begin with an outline, as I move forward in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act as though putting out my internal exsistance as mind, is the same as me expressing myself, where expressing myself is something I would rather define as expressing the best interest of life without the interruption of the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect some specific return when I express my inner self as mind to others or myself as though it were who I am.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize should it have been who I am I would not be holding the attachment to it which I do, as who I am would not require mental restriction as attachment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect my restricted unexpressive inner personality to be received as anything else than what it is, unpredictable, and vain, as that is the return I get, as that is what I put out as myself, when I 'open up', when I 'express myself'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with shock as fear or shame that I put myself out there for another to see/examine and got the results I did not want, when mathematically this could have been predicted, I put out in unstable form, and I get unpredictable results, which was what could have been predicted, which is why I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect to get what I see to achieve when I use my unpredictable personality as ego to try and get certain results in my world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the personality of manipulation, where I would risk unpredictable results, and waste my time gambling I might eventually get it right as persona, instead of simply investing in my stability, in my structure, in my wellness and Enjoyment, as walking things out for real, as the time required.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the personality of manipulation as trying to trick others to respond to my personality the way I'd like them to, when I do not even understand the development of the personalities I throw into the world, outside of the clear attempts at manipulation for some shortcut to where I'd like to be in my life and relationships.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time desperately trying to win as my mind, instead of simply giving myself the gift, of walking, in real time, breathe by breathe, word by word, as a real venture, with real gain, as the living of principles resulting in what is best for life, where the cult of personality is not required for life to function.
I commit myself to stop,breathe, when and as I see myself trying to manipulate myself or others in my reality, as I begin to see more and more of what I'm doing and trying to accomplish as manipulation, and come to terms with how success as mind is irrelevant and backwards, while me achieving for and as myself as all as one, will always reign as the real physical building blocks of real relationship.
I commit myself to notice and pay attention to manipulation personality in myself and others, so I may see why it does not need to be feared, as this manipulation is noting, only self is manipulated and whatever the goal was, was never very likely to be achieved, as real time events, with real words, real decision, and real action, always win without any manipulation and deprecation of self.
I commit myself to continue to walk through the valley of evil, because I realize it will not compromise my relationships, it will not compromise my work, it will not compromise my survival, I fear the valley of evil, because I fear facing how i as mind am seeking to compromise my well being, security, and survival because mind is evil, in its current incarnation on earth, but the valley must be walked, for one and all equally, by and for every man to come, so I fear no evil.
No comments:
Post a Comment