Day 212- Going Back to School

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be excited about going back to school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel proud to go back to school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view school as an adventure, because I've hated school in the past so am happy to be able to make school an adventure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to possess myself with happiness as having a change of pace in my life as going to school again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get so worked up with feelings that i don't realize I'm suppressing my emotions of fear of the challenges I'll face going to school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I now want to go to school to improve myself that this will negate how I've always put the least amount of effort possible into my classes and home work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame not having free will to decide to go to school in the past as being why I didn't make the best of school, when I'm the reason I didn't makr the best of school and will continue to be the reason I don't make the best of school if I don't pull myself together and make something happen.

When and as I see myself being excited to go to school, I stop, I breathe, I realize this excitement is out of believing things will be different out of blame of why things were the way the were in the past, thusly, I commit myself to walk through school as I would anything else, as one breathe at a time, utilizing my mind to manage my activities and work and responsibility, and remaining self directive.

Now I'm hitting a wall, because I didn't even want to write about school to begin with, I don't like addressing my relationship to school, all the energy, the drive to succeed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear utilizing my drive to succeed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my drive to succeed as a point making me better then others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view myself as better then others for my drive to succeed, because I have an equal or greater drive to do the least amount or work possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self responsibility for my drive as I realize I can be incredibly lazy, or incredibly determined just as anyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear driving myself as creating myself to be too much responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the fear of seeing myself as greater then others for my ability to drive myself to give myself a reason to step down and settle for as little as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my self drive as greater then others to create a competition to give myself a reason to drive myself to succeed as being to prove that I'm not the judgement of a failure but that as a succeeder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my ego and judgement stand in my way of doing what's best as driving myself as best I can to create something of my life on principle with integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as lacking the integrity of walking through school with purpose and drive as one and equal as life.

When and as I see myself creating drive as competition to succeed, I stop, I breathe, I realize the only competition is between me and my self imposed limitations, thusly, I commit myself to drive myself to prove my limitations as wrong and as being able to succeed despite setting myself back within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up my capacity to direct myself to go through school and do my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I'm not going to do well because I have to be self directive  and don't have other's telling me exactly what to do and how to do it like I would at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize there's a fundamental problem with how I direct myself to begin with when I experience myself needing to be directed externally to know what to do and how to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose control of myself in relationship to going to school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define directing myself as pointless since there's no one moving me to direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too stubborn to take self responsibility for directing myself at school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up out of stubbornness because I know that more will be moving within me then usual being around a lot of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on directing myself because I know that doing school work and studying takes a lot of motivation for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require motivation to direct myself through school as I realize I won't find any motivation that will suffice because I have to move myself into action for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to direct myself because I realize I'm going to have to change how I usually direct myself within my normal schedule.

When and as I see myself facing having to change how I direct myself based on having a new schedule and new responsibilities
, I stop, I breathe, I realize I have to do whatever it's going to take, thusly, I commit myself to accept whatever means of directing myself will be needed to breathe and move myself through all the actions I have to take in relationship to doing well at school.